With the birth of X, I think we have just the right amount of love to be distributed among the five of us. This I know to be surgically true. We also have three children, which puts us at .96 children above the American average, and more than three full children below the fertility rate in Somalia and Mali. In democratic terms, we are now, as parents, in the minority party. We will lose party line votes 3-2, and will have to do some serious politicking to form an effective household coalition government. But our kids are sensible, and with Congress as a role model, I'm sure we'll reach many compromises that serve the entire household.
It's been more than half a decade since we last worked the graveyard shift of parenting. With X., he's up every 90 -120 minutes in search of more food. He's an eating machine who, in the first week of life, averaged sixteen meals a day. I don't know how he keeps his figure. In that half decade or so, my wife and I have gotten older. If we were going completely by appearances, you would not notice this in my wife. She looks as young, and radiant, and bright eyed as the day I met her, but the weeks without an extended period of uninterrupted sleep are rougher than they used to be. What we lack in youthful energy as parents, we make up for in experience.
When L. was born we had no idea what we were doing as parents. We were both the eldest of 3 children. My wife had some experience baby sitting. I had taught middle school for a couple of years. That was about it. In order to get a Master's Degree in English, I was forced to take two years of Spanish. In order to take care of a helpless, tiny, dependent human, we were given a pamphlet on breast feeding. Not even a class at the community college. So for the most part we made it up as we went along. Read the parenting books, read some articles on the internet, asked a lot of questions to our parents. Our philosophy as parents was as new as the baby. When L. did something we liked, we would praise and encourage. When she'd do something that offended, we'd create a rule, and occasionally we'd even stick to it.
When M. came along, we realized we might have been overly cautious and intense with L. so we relaxed, massaged, and changed the way we parented. For the most part though, we've developed a fairly simple parenting philosophy. My guess is that it will continue to evolve with the X.-Man, but the adjustments at this point are fine tuning.
1) Family First
This is one we've been working on since the beginning. When L. met M. at the hospital, her first words were, "Hi, M., I'm your sister." I can't lie and say we have this down. Like all siblings, L. and M. have their differences. Sometimes those differences can be heated. Especially because their personalities are so different. L. is a systems person. She loves rules and organizing. Her favorite TV programs are the hidden camera shows where they catch someone breaking the rules or lying to an employer. She loves structure. M. on the other hand is a disturber. Rules are, in her world, suggestions... starting points for negotiation. So there are times when the girls are playing that these world views come into conflict. They'll storm off to their rooms and say they are never speaking to each other again. When this happens, we remind them that they will be choosing their sister as their maid of honor at their wedding, and that they'd better make up sooner rather than later. We back each other up, we support each other, and most important of all, we love each other.
2) Be Nice
This one is easy. We will always treat each other with respect, and even when we are upset, we'll still be nice. Like Family First, this is still a work in progress. But remember, our goal is parents is not to create children who comply immediately with our every demand. Our goal is to harp on the important things so much when they are children, that they hear our voices in their head when they make decisions as adults. If as parents we don't say, "Be Nice," at least 10,000 times before they leave the nest, we haven't done our jobs.
3) Work Hard
No matter what task you take on, you must work hard to do it right. If you don't want to put the work in to do it right, then you shouldn't be doing it in the first place. It's not always the product of the work that's important, often, it's simply the repeated act of giving your best that is most important.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
4) Do the Right Thing
Regardless of how hard it might be in certain situations, we should always strive to do the right thing. This means owning up and accepting responsibility when we've done wrong, or standing up for the kid who everyone else finds it easy to pick on, or simply making a healthy choice at dinner.
So, X. Man, welcome to the world, welcome to our family, and welcome to the high expectations we have for you. We're going to do our best to make sure you contribute to this world in a positive way, and leave it a better place than you found it. And even though you don't say much, and your late night stare is a bit unnerving, and you are actively conducting an experiment on the effects of sleep deprivation on 30 something parents, we already know we love you!
